A private call with each of you
Every sibling, plus a parent if they're part of it. Before anyone is in a room together, everyone has been heard once, alone.
4.9
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289 Google reviews
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St. Paul, MN
Family mediation · 100% on Zoom · One flat fee
Sibling mediation, for the conversation nobody will start.
- One neutral mediator for everyone at the table
- A parent's care, the cabin, the old fight, in one written plan
- One three-hour session on Zoom · $1,695 flat, for the family
You’ll talk with Ryan McLaughlinNeutral. Not on anyone's side.
One sibling usually gets here first. You can book alone. Everyone else gets their own private call, and booking commits nobody to anything.
Or tap a question to text it to me:
What brothers and sisters
bring to mediation
You don't need a name for it before you call. Each one goes on the table, and what your family decides about it is yours.
27% of American adults have cut off contact with a family member. 8% are estranged from a sibling. National survey of more than 1,300 adults, Karl Pillemer, Cornell University, 2020
11% of Americans say they have stopped talking to a family member over politics. American National Family Life Survey, Survey Center on American Life, 2022
- Estranged siblingsYears without a real conversation, sometimes over one night that each of you remembers differently. Nobody has to agree on what happened that night to decide where Thanksgiving is.
- PoliticsThe election, the pandemic, the holiday table. I won't change anyone's vote and won't try. What we work out is whether you'll be in the same room in November, and what's off the table when you are.
- A parent who needs careWho drives Dad to appointments, whether Mom stays in the house, who pays for what, and who has been doing all of it so far. A parent can take part in the decisions about their own life.
- The cabinWhich weekends are whose, who pays the property tax and the dock that goes in every May, and what happens when one of you wants out and the rest don't.
- A parent's estateThe house, the furniture, the photos, the ring. Who handles what, and by when. I don't interpret a will or a trust; a lawyer does that. We work out what the people want.
- Money between youA loan that may or may not have been a gift. A family business one of you runs and the rest of you own.
- The old stuffWho was the favorite. Who left. Who stayed close and did everything. It comes up, and it's allowed to.
Mediation works with people who are still willing to sit down, even reluctantly. If anyone is unsafe, or a court has to decide something before anyone can negotiate, it isn't the right tool, and you'll hear that on the first call.
Our three-part process
The Flannel Three-Part Process, with room for the whole family
Same order as every Flannel mediation. Nothing is scheduled until everyone has said yes.
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Part 1 · The one-on-ones
15 to 45 minutes each · private
I talk with each of you, separately.
Each sibling, and a parent if they're part of it, tells me what they're worried about and what they think will be hard. Nobody hears anyone else's call, and nobody walks in cold.
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Part 2 · Written prep
Before you meet · shared with everyone
The real questions, in writing, first.
After the private calls I write the questions the session has to answer, and everyone gets the same page. Nobody meets the hard question for the first time in the middle of the session.
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Part 3 · The session
3 hours · Zoom · everyone, from wherever they live
Talk it through. Then write it down.
One session, one question at a time, in the order you agreed to. You leave with a written plan: who does what, who pays what, and when the family checks in on it.
The hardest part is usually lining up everyone's calendars. The session itself can be a weeknight or a Saturday morning.
Free 15-min call · No obligation · No credit card
What $1,695 covers
One flat fee for the family, not per person. No retainer, no hourly billing, no meter on calls and emails.
Written prep everyone sees
The questions the session has to answer, written after the private calls and shared with the whole family. Same page, every screen.
One three-hour session on Zoom
Everyone joins from wherever they live. I keep it moving, keep it to one question at a time, and keep it from turning into the group text.
A written family agreement
What you decided, in plain words, sent to everyone. Who does what, who pays what, when you'll check in, and anything someone still has to ask their own lawyer.
Your real options, side by side
Family therapists and lawyers do good work. They're built for different jobs.
| What you get | Flannel | Family therapy | Lawyers |
|---|---|---|---|
| What it costs | $1,695 flat, for the family | Per session, often ongoing | A retainer each, then hourly |
| What it's built to produce | A written plan everyone agreed to | Understanding and healing | A settlement, or a ruling |
| One neutral person working for everyone | ✓ | ✓ | ✗ |
| A private call with each person first | ✓ | Varies | Each with their own |
| Everyone joins from wherever they live | ✓ | Varies by state license | Varies |
| No meter on prep, calls, and emails | ✓ | Varies | Billed |
| The family makes the decisions | ✓ | ✓ | A judge, if it's contested |
| Legal advice about your rights | ✗ | ✗ | ✓ |
That last row is real. If one of you wants advice about your own rights under a will, a trust or a deed, have a lawyer review the agreement. And therapy isn't a rival: plenty of families do both, one for the past and one for the decisions.
Free 15-min call · No obligation · No credit card
What clients say
4.9 stars across 289 Google reviews. Most come from couples. The room works the same way.
★★★★★
"Even when we didn’t see eye to eye on certain topics, Ryan did a good job helping us communicate and work through the issues."
★★★★★
"He didn’t take sides or overcomplicate things, but instead helped keep both parties grounded and focused on decisions."
★★★★★
"He kept potentially high-tension conversations focused on entirely productive solutions."
Meet your mediator
The person who'll be running the calls and the session.
Ryan McLaughlin
Professional Mediator · Flannel People Mediation
Ryan is trained in facilitative, restorative, and transformative mediation, and his practice is built on conflict research and a lot of Minnesota kitchen tables. His sessions are structured but calm. He keeps things moving without taking sides, so everyone leaves having been heard, including the sibling who almost didn't come. Based in St. Paul, working with families remotely across Minnesota and beyond.
No obligation · No credit card
Common questions
$1,695, flat, for the family. One fee, not per person. It covers a private call with each of you, the written prep, one three-hour session on Zoom, and your written agreement. How the family splits the fee is up to the family.
Everyone the decision belongs to. Usually that's the siblings, and sometimes a parent who wants a say in their own care or their own house. Spouses usually sit out the session, though they can be part of the private calls. We work out who needs to be there on the free call.
Often, yes. A lot of sibling mediations start with one person and a silent group text. You can forward this page. Whoever gets it has their own private call with me before anything is scheduled, and nothing is scheduled until everyone has said yes. If someone still says no after their own call, mediation isn't the tool, and I'll say so.
No. Therapy works on understanding and healing. Mediation works on decisions: who does what, who pays what, what happens to the cabin. The past usually comes up, and it's allowed to, but the session is built to end with a written plan. Plenty of families do both.
No. I'm not on anyone's side, including the side of whoever booked the call. My job is to make sure every question gets asked and every person gets heard. The answers belong to your family.
I can help your family talk through what each of you wants: the house, the cabin, the furniture, the photos, who handles what and when. I don't interpret wills or trusts or give legal advice. If there's a legal question underneath, each of you can take it to your own lawyer, and the agreement can say who's asking what.
Yes. The private calls and the session all happen on Zoom, so a brother in Duluth, a sister in Phoenix and a parent in St. Paul can all be in the same session. If Zoom is new to someone, we'll do a five-minute test first.
The free 15-minute call is for figuring that out. It's usually not the fit if someone is unsafe or being pressured, if a parent no longer has the capacity to take part in decisions about their own life and nobody has authority yet, or if a dispute has to be decided by a court before anyone can negotiate. If that's where you are, I'll say so, with no cost.
For the rest of the family
Everyone gets their own call first.
The hardest part is usually bringing it up. You don't have to explain mediation in the group text. Send this page to whoever needs to see it. Each of them gets the same free fifteen minutes, privately, with me. Nothing gets scheduled until everyone has said yes.
Not ready to book a call?
Most people sit with this for a while before they talk to anyone. If you have one question, what it costs, whether your family is a fit, how to bring it up, text it. I answer these myself.
To: Ryan · (763) 316-8323 Hi Ryan, I have a question about family mediation:Tap the message to open it in your texting app. Goes to Ryan's actual phone, not a call center.
Start with a free 15-minute call.
No obligation. No pressure. Bring the family as it is, not a tidy summary of it. You'll leave knowing whether mediation makes sense.
Here's what happens on the call:
- 1 I'll ask about your family and what's stuck
- 2 I'll tell you honestly if mediation fits, and who needs to be there
- 3 If it does, I'll explain how the rest of the family comes in
Fifteen minutes. You'll know by the end of it.
Pick a time that works for you.
Free 15-minute call. No commitment. See available times below.
No time here works, or you can't talk privately during the day? Text me instead.
Not ready to pick a time?
That's normal. Leave your email and the one thing you're most worried about. Ryan will reply personally. No scheduling required.