Free · A 3-minute read
The 4 questions I ask each of you, alone.
Before a mediation session, I get on a call with each of you, separately. Before we get to the house, the accounts or the calendar, I ask four questions.
Here they are. You don't have to write anything down, and you don't have to answer them. Read them, and notice which one you keep thinking about.
Ryan McLaughlin, Flannel People Mediation, St. Paul, MN. A neutral mediator. I don't take sides.
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What are you most afraid of?
Why I ask
Fear sits in the room whether anybody names it or not. Said out loud, privately, to someone who isn't on either side, it tends to get more specific. "Losing everything" turns into "not being able to afford a place near the grandkids."
A specific fear is something two people can work on. A vague one mostly gets defended.
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What would you say yes to?
Why I ask
Most people come in knowing what they'll refuse. Fewer have thought about what they'd accept. This one finds the edges before anyone is sitting across from anyone.
It isn't a promise. You can change your mind about all of it.
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What is this actually about for you?
Why I ask
The house is rarely just the house. It can be the kids' old bedrooms, or the garden, or the money, or the feeling of not being the one who had to leave.
Knowing which one it is opens up ways to meet it that might not be the house. Which one matters more isn't my call.
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What do you need from this situation?
Why I ask
A need is different from a want. It's the thing that has to be true for you to sign. Health coverage until 65. A place to have the grandkids at Christmas. Enough each month to stay in the same town.
Named early, it's on the table from the first hour instead of turning up in the last one.
Your spouse gets the same four questions, on their own call. Same questions, same mediator, nobody on anybody's side.
These are Part 1 of how I work.
After these calls come two sessions on Zoom, with everything you own and owe on one shared balance sheet, and one written agreement on every issue. $2,500 per person, flat.
The free 15-minute call is where we see whether the rest fits. Either of you can book first, on your own. Booking commits you to nothing.
Book a free 15-minute call →Or text or call me: (763) 316-8323
General information, not legal, tax or financial advice, and reading it doesn't create an attorney-client relationship with anyone. Have any final agreement reviewed by a Minnesota attorney before you sign it. Flannel People Mediation · St. Paul, MN.