A shared balance sheet, before anyone decides
Every account, pension, property and debt on one page, built before the first session and shared with both of you. Same numbers, both screens.
4.9
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285+ Google reviews
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St. Paul, MN
Minnesota · 100% on Zoom · One flat fee
Divorce mediation for couples over 50.
- One neutral mediator for both of you
- The house, pensions and retirement accounts, health coverage, in one written agreement
- Two sessions on Zoom · $2,500 per person, flat$5,000 for both of you
You’ll talk with Ryan McLaughlin.I don’t take sides. I answer my own phone and texts.
Spouse not ready? Book on your own. They get their own call. Booking commits you to nothing.
The 4 questions I ask each of you, alone, before we ever meet.
A 3-minute read. Plus the Money Map: every account and decision a long marriage sorts out, in order.
Free. One email. General information, not legal or financial advice.
Read the 4 questions →
And the Money Map. Both are on their way to your inbox too.
Rather text first? Tap a question and it goes to my phone:
How it goes
- 1
A free 15-minute call. Each of you can have your own, separately.
- 2
Two sessions on Zoom, with everything you own and owe on one shared balance sheet.
- 3
One written agreement on every issue.
or call (763) 316‑8323
Six things a long marriage
has to sort out
You don't need to understand any of this before you call. Each one goes on the table, and what you decide about it is yours.
- A pensionWhich plans exist, what each plan's rules say, and whether dividing one needs a court order the plan will accept (a QDRO). An attorney or QDRO specialist prepares that; we make sure it's on the list before you finish.
- Retirement accounts401(k)s, 403(b)s and IRAs, every balance on the same sheet, then the options the two of you want to compare side by side.
- The houseKeep it, sell it, or one of you buys the other out, with the mortgage, the equity and the upkeep written next to each option.
- Health coverageIf one of you is on the other's employer plan and Medicare is still years off, that gap goes on the list early, with the dates attached.
- Social SecurityBenefits after a divorce can depend on how long you were married. I don't calculate benefits or tell anyone when to claim. The question goes on each of your lists for the Social Security Administration.
- The familyWhat you tell your grown kids, and when. How holidays and the grandkids work from here.
If a number has to come from someone else first, like a pension valuation, a benefit statement, or an answer from a lawyer or financial planner, you'll hear that on your private call, and the two weeks between sessions is when it arrives.
The short version
Our three-part process
The Flannel Three-Part Process, with room for a pension
Same order as every Flannel mediation. The third part gets a second session. Nothing is scheduled until you've both said yes.
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Part 1 · The one-on-ones
15 to 45 minutes each · private
I meet with each of you, separately.
You tell me what you're worried about and what you think will be hard. Your spouse does the same. Neither of you hears the other's call, and neither of you walks in cold.
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Part 2 · The balance sheet
Before you meet · shared with both
Numbers first, then your questions.
Accounts, pension statements, the mortgage, the debts, all on one balance sheet you both can see. Then four questions I write after both private calls, so nobody meets a hard question for the first time in the middle of a session.
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Part 3 · Two sessions
3 hours + up to 3 hours · Zoom · about two weeks apart
Lay it out. Then decide.
The first session puts the house, the accounts and each pension on the table. Between sessions, the plan paperwork and the answers from your own lawyer or planner come in. The second session is where you decide, and you leave with a written agreement covering every issue.
About three to four weeks from the first private call to a full written agreement.
Free 15-min call · No obligation · No credit card
What $2,500 per person covers
Everything below, flat. No retainer, no hourly billing, no meter on calls and emails.
Two prepared sessions, over Zoom
Three hours, then up to three more about two weeks later. The gap is on purpose: pension paperwork and benefit statements take time to arrive.
Neutral the whole way through
I'm not on your side or theirs. I make sure every question gets asked and answered. What the answer is belongs to the two of you.
A written agreement, and a handoff list
An agreement covering every issue, plus a list of who each of you takes it to next: your own lawyer, the plan administrator, whoever handles the beneficiaries.
Your three real options, side by side
Hourly mediators do good work. The difference is what's on the meter.
| What you get | Flannel | Hourly mediator | Two lawyers |
|---|---|---|---|
| What it costs | $2,500 per person, flat | Hourly; the total depends on the hours | A retainer each, then hourly |
| Built to keep things as amicable as possible | ✓ | ✓ | Each argues one side |
| A method with a name and an order: private calls, balance sheet, sessions | ✓ | Varies | — |
| Every account, pension and debt on one shared balance sheet before anyone decides | ✓ | Varies | Each side's own |
| A second session, and time between for pension paperwork, in the price | ✓ | Billed | Billed |
| No meter on prep, calls, and emails | ✓ | Billed | Billed |
| A private call with each of you first | ✓ | Varies | Each of you, separately |
| One neutral person working for both of you | ✓ | ✓ | ✗ |
| The two of you make the decisions | ✓ | ✓ | A judge, if it's contested |
| A handoff list for your lawyers, the plan administrator and beneficiary changes | ✓ | Varies | Varies |
| 100% remote, anywhere in Minnesota | ✓ | Varies | Varies |
| Legal advice about your rights | ✗ | ✗ | ✓ |
That last row is real, and so is its cousin: I don't give financial, tax or Social Security advice either. If one of you wants advice about your own rights or your own money, have a lawyer or planner review the agreement. That's a very different bill from each of you paying one to fight.
Free 15-min call · No obligation · No credit card
What clients say
4.9 stars across 289 Google reviews.
★★★★★
"Helped us think through a really tricky multi-state and complex financial situation with compassion and pragmatism!"
★★★★★
"He didn’t take sides or overcomplicate things, but instead helped keep both parties grounded and focused on decisions."
★★★★★
"Ryan was able to keep us on task throughout mediation. We were able to come to agreements that felt fair for both of us."
Free 15-min call · No obligation · No credit card
Meet your mediator
The person who'll be facilitating your sessions.
Ryan McLaughlin
Professional Mediator · Flannel People Mediation
Ryan is trained in facilitative, restorative, and transformative mediation, and his practice is built on conflict research and a lot of Minnesota kitchen-table money: house buyouts, retirement accounts, support. His sessions are structured but calm. He keeps things moving without taking sides, so both people leave feeling heard. Based in St. Paul, serving couples remotely across Minnesota.
No obligation · No credit card
Common questions
$2,500 per person, flat. That covers your private calls, the shared balance sheet, the written prep, both sessions, your written agreement and the handoff list. No retainer and no hourly billing. If anything is still open after the second session, extra time is $595 an hour, and you'll hear the number before it happens.
Our standard divorce mediation is $1,695 per person and is built around one session. After a long marriage there's usually a pension, more accounts, and dates that have to line up with a plan's paperwork. This adds the balance sheet built before you meet, a second session, and the two weeks between them for that paperwork to arrive. If your situation is simpler than that, I'll tell you on the free call, and the standard mediation may fit better.
Minnesota's court filing fee, which runs $390 to $405 depending on the county and is charged no matter how you divorce. An attorney, if either of you wants one to review the agreement. And preparing a QDRO, if a pension needs one; an attorney or QDRO specialist does that, usually for a separate fee.
No, and a mediator shouldn't. What I can do is make sure it isn't forgotten: it goes on the balance sheet next to the pension and the accounts, and each of you takes the question to the Social Security Administration or your own adviser.
Yes. The private calls and both sessions happen over Zoom. If Zoom is new to you, we'll do a five-minute test beforehand so the first session doesn't start with the microphone. Each of you should have a private room and your own device if you can.
That's normal. Most mediations start with one person doing the research. You can book the free call on your own. Your spouse gets their own private call with me, and nothing is scheduled until you’ve both said yes. There’s a page written for them, too: see what they’d get.
No. A mediator is a neutral who helps both of you reach decisions together. I don't represent either of you, and I don't give legal advice. A lawyer advises one person about their rights and can review an agreement for them. Either of you can have one review yours, and if something comes up that you should get advice on, I'll say so.
Yes. Plenty of couples keep their own lawyers for advice and review while the mediation does the negotiating. Their questions go on the handoff list, and the two weeks between sessions is a natural time to ask them.
The free 15-minute consult is specifically to figure that out. If it's not the right path, I'll say so, with no pressure and no cost. A few situations where it's usually not the fit: someone needs emergency court protection; one person still won't take part after their own private call; or the finances are tangled enough that formal discovery has to happen before anyone can negotiate.
For the other person
They get their own call, and their own page.
The hardest part of this is usually the conversation where you bring it up. You don't have to explain how mediation works from memory. Send them this instead: a page written for the person who didn't make the first call, with the same free fifteen minutes, privately, with me. Nothing gets scheduled until you've both said yes.
Want to read it first? See the page they'll get.
Not ready to book a call?
Most people sit with this for a while before they talk to anyone. If you have one question, what it costs, whether a pension changes things, how to bring it up, text it. I answer these myself.
To: Ryan · (763) 316-8323 Hi Ryan, I have a question about divorce mediation:Tap the message to open it in your texting app. Goes to Ryan's actual phone, not a call center.
Start with a free 15-minute call.
No obligation. No pressure. Bring the situation as it is, not a perfect summary. You'll leave knowing whether mediation makes sense for you.
Here's what happens on the call:
- 1 I'll ask about your situation
- 2 I'll tell you honestly if mediation fits, and which version
- 3 If it does, I'll explain exactly how it works and how to book
Fifteen minutes. You'll know by the end of it.
Pick a time that works for you.
Free 15-minute call. No commitment. See available times below.
No time here works, or you can't talk privately during the day? Text me instead.
Not ready to pick a time?
That's normal. Leave your email and the one thing you're most worried about — Ryan will reply personally. No scheduling required.