If someone sent you this link
They called me first.You get your own call.
Fifteen minutes, free, just you. Bring your questions:
- How does this actually work?
- What does it cost?
- Who pays for it?
- Where do lawyers fit in?
- Something else?
Tap one to text it to me.
You don’t have to want mediation, or a divorce, to call. Your call stays private, same as theirs.
Just you on the line. Booking commits you to nothing.
4.9 stars · 289 Google reviews · St. Paul, over Zoom statewide
“Opening a dialogue through a neutral party was the furthest thing from my mind to begin, but it was the right thing for our situation.”
Our proprietary process
The Flannel Three-Part Process
This is what I walked them through on their first call, and it’s what you’d both go through. Every Flannel mediation runs on it, in this order, on purpose.
Part 1 · The one-on-ones
15 to 45 minutes each · private
I meet with each of you, separately.
Usually two days before the session. You tell me what you're worried about and what you think will be hard. The other person does the same. Neither of you hears the other's call.
Part 2 · The homework
Two halves · before you meet
Numbers first, then your questions.
No PDFs, no stack of statements, just accounts and balances. Then a short set of questions I write after both private calls, so nobody meets a hard question for the first time in the middle of the session.
Part 3 · The session
3 hours · Zoom · usually within a week
One three-hour session, together.
The goal is two things: an agreement on everything, and that agreement in writing. Most people get both in that one session. Dress casual. Have a coffee. Anywhere other than a moving vehicle.
Same three parts whether you’re both ready or one of you is still deciding whether this is happening at all.
If you’re comparing
Flannel, an hourly mediator, and two lawyers
Lots of good mediators bill by the hour. The difference is what’s on the meter, and who’s working for whom.
| What you get | Flannel | Hourly mediator | Two lawyers |
|---|---|---|---|
| What it costs | $1,695 per person, flat | Hourly; the total depends on the hours | A retainer each, then hourly |
| No meter on prep, calls, and emails | ✓ | Billed | Billed |
| Built to keep things as amicable as possible | ✓ | ✓ | Each argues one side |
| A method with a name and an order: private calls, homework, one session | ✓ | Varies | — |
| Prep informed by conflict research and neuroscience | ✓ | Varies | — |
| Every account and balance on one shared balance sheet before anyone decides | ✓ | Varies | Each side's own |
| Your own private call before anything starts, same as theirs | ✓ | Varies | Each of you, separately |
| Neither of you hears the other's private call | ✓ | Varies | ✓ |
| One neutral working for both of you, not for whoever called first | ✓ | ✓ | ✗ |
| The two of you make the decisions | ✓ | ✓ | A judge, if it's contested |
| Nothing is scheduled until you've both said yes | ✓ | Varies | — |
| About 9 in 10 couples finish in one three-hour session | ✓ | — | — |
| Follow-up time at a flat price | $500 / person | Billed | Billed |
| Written agreement you can have a lawyer review, or use to self-file | ✓ | ✓ | — |
| Legal advice about your own rights | ✗ | ✗ | ✓ |
Where lawyers fit
A lawyer represents one of you. I represent neither of you. Some people have an attorney review the written agreement before anything gets filed, and that’s a reasonable thing to do.
Neutral, in practice
I don’t decide who keeps the house, or what the kids’ week looks like, or whether this marriage should end. The two of you decide those. My job is everything in between: the same private call for each of you, the same questions, the same room to talk, and a written record of what you agreed to.
“He didn’t take sides or overcomplicate things, but instead helped keep both parties grounded and focused on decisions.”
Ryan McLaughlin · Mediator · St. Paul, over Zoom statewide
What stays private
Your first conversation with me is yours.
If you book a call, it’s you and me. They aren’t on the line. Whatever came up on their call doesn’t follow you into yours, because I start fresh with each person.
Stays with you
- What you're afraid of
- What you think they'll object to
- Whether you're sure
- Numbers you haven't shared yet
- Anything about anyone new
Gets passed along
Only what you ask me to pass along, in words you approve.
That’s the whole list.
Two minutes, from me
Hear my voice before you decide anything.
I recorded this for anyone deciding whether to talk to me. It’s what I’d say to you on the phone, including the part where I’m not on anyone’s side.
1 min 51 sec · Captions on screen
Before you say yes
Things you’re allowed to do.
Say no.
Mediation only works when both people choose it. If you don't, it isn't mediation, and I won't pretend otherwise.
Take your time.
Read this twice. Sleep on it. Book a call next week instead of tonight.
Not be amicable yet.
You don't have to be friendly. You have to be willing to be in the same session and decide things.
Have a lawyer read it.
Some people have an attorney review the written agreement before anything gets filed. That's a reasonable thing to do.
Ask the uncomfortable question.
How do I stay neutral when they called first? What happens if we get stuck? Ask it on the call instead of wondering.
Pick someone else.
If fifteen minutes with me tells you I'm not the right person, say so. That's a fine outcome for a free call.
The money, plainly
$1,695
per person, flat.
For both private calls, the homework, the three-hour session, and the written agreement. No hourly meter running in the background.
- Who pays
- One invoice for the matter. Who pays it, and how you split it, is between the two of you. I don’t have a view on that.
- When
- Nothing gets scheduled until both of you have signed the participation agreement and the invoice is paid.
- If you need more time
- About nine in ten couples don’t. If you do, a follow-up runs the same three parts, with a one-hour session, for a flat $500 per person, agreed to before it happens.
- The fine print
- The invoice adds a 3.9% processing fee. The court’s filing fee, roughly $400, is separate and paid to the court.
From people who sat in the session
Both people in the room, same attention.
I was very anxious about divorce mediation but Ryan's calm, neutral demeanor completely changed the tone within the first five minutes.
I felt like I could speak more clearly and listen better because of the structure Ryan provided and ways he paid equal attention to myself and the other person in mediation.
Ryan was incredibly thoughtful and took time to truly listen to both our perspectives. His approach made the entire process feel fair and constructive.
Questions people in your seat ask
The ones you might not ask out loud.
Did they tell you their side of things?
A little, the way everyone does on a first call. I don't carry it into your call, and I don't treat the version I heard first as the true one. You start from the same blank page they did.
Will you tell them what I say?
No. What you say on your call stays on your call. If there's something you want passed along, tell me what it is, and I'll use only the words you approve.
How can the homework be private if you write it after both calls?
Private things shape what I ask both of you, never who I ask. If one of you tells me the house is the whole ballgame, both of you get a question about the house. Neither of you can work out who said what from the questions you get.
What if I'm not sure I want a divorce?
Say that on the call. Plenty of people aren't sure, and it changes what makes sense next. Nobody has to agree the marriage is over to talk to me for fifteen minutes.
We're already divorced. Is this for us?
Yes. A lot of my work comes after the decree: parenting time, schedules, the things the order never settled. Same three-part process, $995 per person.
We don't agree on much. Can this still work?
Disagreeing is the reason mediation exists. What it needs is two people willing to be there. And if something I learn on a private call makes a joint session unsafe, I stop. A date on the calendar doesn't outrank that.
Is anything here legal advice?
No. I'm a mediator, not your lawyer or theirs, and nothing on this page or on a call is legal advice.
Your own fifteen minutes
Talk to me first. Decide after.
Pick a time that works for you. If a call feels like too much right now, text me a question instead. Either way, it’s just you.
(763) 316-8323. Texts come to my phone, not a front desk.
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