Flannel People Podcast
Anatomy of Conflict
A podcast about what happens when people get stuck, what helps them move, and how conflict actually works in relationships, mediation, negotiation, business, family, and everyday life.
Conflict is a skill set, not a personality trait
Anatomy of Conflict looks at the mechanics underneath hard conversations: nervous systems, repair, apology, fear, power, impasse, negotiation, and the small moves that help people think clearly again.
Latest Episodes
Bonus Episode: Why I'm Doing This Podcast
In this bonus mini-episode, Ryan goes off-script — who he is, why he started this show, and what drives his obsession with conflict. If you're new here, start here.Ryan started this podcast for the same reason he spent 12 hours a day writing during grad school while his wife worked a coffee shop to keep them afloat — because there's something there he has to get to the bottom of.The honest answer: he wants to get better at this. At mediation. At conflict. At being a partner and a father and a person. And there's almost no gap between what he's personally wrestling with and what he covers on this show. The money stuff with his wife. The imagery/projective/associative cards in his mediation sessions. The Gottman research. He's not presenting these as a detached expert — he has skin in the game.Flannel People Mediation: flannelpeoplemediation.comText Ryan directly: 763-316-8323
The Psychology of Money Fights (And What's Really Underneath)
Money is the #2 cause of divorce — behind only infidelity — but unlike infidelity, it's quiet, chronic, and invisible until the damage is done. In this episode, Ryan gets personally real about his own tightwad tendencies, his marriage, and what a decade of financial conflict has taught him about what's actually underneath money fights. Drawing on peer-reviewed research, the Harvard Negotiation Project, and the neuroscience of emotional flooding, this episode builds a framework for turning your most corrosive financial arguments into a source of genuine intimacy and connection. Because the fight was never really about the granola.In this episode:Why couples who argue about money once a week are 30% more likely to divorce — and what the frequency tells youThe tightwad/spendthrift pairing: why opposites attract and why it eventually costs youPositions vs. interests — the one distinction that unlocks every deadlocked financial argumentWhy compromise is structurally flawed (and what collaboration actually looks like)The neuroscience of emotional flooding and why you literally cannot win a money fight in the heat of the momentRyan's own money story: the $30 coat, the carrots and peanut butter, and a relationship with spending that runs him more than he runs itIf money conflict is showing up in your relationship and you're ready to have a different kind of conversation, Ryan works with couples at Flannel People Mediation — a virtual mediation practice built for exactly this. Learn more at flannelpeoplemediation.com.
Tarot, Part 3: Claude Kills the Woo Woo and Makes the Science Case
Claude is back for round three, and this time we're settling the debate. Projection cards, oracle decks, tarot — call them whatever you want, but the mechanism is pure neuroscience. In this episode, Claude breaks down the research on affect labeling, somatic priming, and nervous system regulation, and shows exactly why these tools belong in the mediation room. We also get into spousal support impasse, why fairness is a feeling not a number, and the one reframe that makes skeptical clients stop rolling their eyes. If you've been curious about these tools, but afraid of the woo woo label, this is your episode.
Tarot, Part 2: The Professional Tool That Gets You Out of Your Head
You can't think your way to a new solution using the same thinking that got you stuck. Suzanne Grandchamp, a divorce attorney with 30 years of experience, breaks down how tarot and oracle cards create embodied space — helping professionals access intuition, name what's unacknowledged, and find the move that logic alone can't reach.
What the Hell Is a Narcissist?
Everyone's ex is one. Every difficult boss is one. Every impossible co-parent is one. Lets cut the word open — trace it from a Greek myth through the DSM-5, through contested prevalence data, through TikTok — and land on the question that actually matters in conflict: what is the label doing for you, and is it helping?
Every Fight You've Ever Had Is About Sex. Even the Ones That Aren't.
You're not fighting about what you think you're fighting about — you're caught between two biological drives, novelty and stability, that evolution built into the same body and never resolved.
Why Therapists Get Divorced More Than the Rest of Us
Therapists know more about communication than anyone. They study attachment theory, practice empathy for a living, and teach couples how to fight fair. So why do counselors, psychologists, and psychiatrists divorce at rates above the national average? In this episode, Ryan digs into the research on whether knowledge actually transfers to skill — in conflict, in relationships, and in life. He explores what Carstensen's socioemotional selectivity theory reveals about why older couples fight differently, what Ericsson's deliberate practice framework says about why experience alone doesn't create expertise, and what Gottman's research tells us about what "getting better at conflict" actually means.
What If the Impasse Isn't in Your Head?
Conflict isn't a logic problem. It's a biology problem. In this episode: three tiers of neuroscience-backed tools — from somatic resets to paradoxical interventions — that work at the kitchen table, the conference table, and the mediation table.
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New episodes explore the practice, science, and lived experience of conflict so the ideas can move from theory into real conversations.
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