Divorce mediation process guide
Five steps, from the first call to your agreement in writing. Here's exactly what happens at each one, what a 3-hour session looks like from the inside, and what to bring.
4.9 from 292 Google reviewsBy the Flannel People Mediation team. Updated October 2026. General education, not legal advice. Flannel People Mediation doesn't practice law, give legal advice, or prepare court documents.
The short version
Divorce mediation is a conversation between two spouses about everything the divorce has to settle. The mediator doesn't decide anything, take sides, or give legal advice. You two make the decisions.
My job is to keep the conversation organized, make sure nothing gets skipped, and help you put what you agree to in writing. Your mediator is Ryan or Kate McLaughlin. More on how we run divorce mediation in Minnesota.
Watch: what actually happens in mediation
The process
Three short steps of preparation, one session, and the agreement. The prep is what lets the session go to decisions.
Inside the session
Each of you joins from your own device, in a private room. Here's how a session typically goes.
Because of the intake, I already know the topics. We agree on the order, usually starting with something you're close on, to build momentum.
Parenting schedule and holidays, decisions for the kids, the house, retirement, other property, debts, support, insurance.
If a moment gets stuck or heated, I meet with each of you separately in a private room, then bring you back together.
Who moves when, what happens to the car, how bills get paid in the meantime. Then we read back what you've agreed.
Disagreement is normal.
You don't need to agree on much walking in. You need to be willing to talk honestly and listen.
Nobody is forced.
Either of you can ask for a break, and either of you can stop.
Not finished? You'll know.
If something isn't settled, I'll tell you plainly whether it needs another sitting before anything else is scheduled.
“His preparation process was unique and led to a more successful experience than with other mediators. I was grateful for his non-judgmental stance and ability to reflect what he was hearing and observing.”
“Ryan was helpful in answering questions and explaining the process and to my surprise we finished in one session and are both feeling ready to move forward!”
“Kept us on track and did his best to help us get everything completed in one session.”
Checklist
Don't worry about having everything perfect. Gather what you can, and note what's missing.
Charged laptop
Headphones
A break plan
Expectations
People often expect mediation to look like court, or like couples therapy. It's neither.
After mediation
Mediation helps two people reach an agreement and put it in writing. The court handles divorce filings and final orders. Here's the general picture in Minnesota, from primary sources.
General information about Minnesota rules and statutes, not legal advice about your case. Outside Minnesota, your state court's website explains how filing works where you live.
Time and cost
1 session
3 hours, prepared. The pace mostly depends on how quickly you both finish the intake, and on scheduling. How long it takes.
$1,695
Per person, flat, covering the private calls, the intake and the session. Court fees and any attorney you hire are separate. Full cost breakdown.
50 + DC
On Zoom in all 50 states and DC, with AI translation if English isn't one spouse's first language. In-person options may be available on request, for an additional fee. Online mediation.
Safety
If there's abuse, coercion, threats, or one spouse is hiding information or won't participate in good faith, joint mediation may not be safe or useful. That's why the private calls come first, and either of you can stop at any time.
If you are in danger, call 911.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233.
FAQ
Educational information only, not legal advice. Flannel People Mediation provides mediation services and does not provide legal representation.
The mediator runs a structured conversation, topic by topic: parenting, the house, retirement, debts, support, and practical details. The spouses make the decisions. When it helps, the mediator meets with each spouse in a private breakout room. At the end, the agreements are put in writing.
With Flannel People Mediation: a free 15-minute call, a private call with each spouse, a written intake, one prepared 3-hour joint session on Zoom, where, if you reach an agreement, you write it together in your own words.
Complete the intake, gather recent statements for bank, retirement, credit, and mortgage accounts, bring income information and your kids' current schedule, and set up a private room with headphones. Make a short list of what matters most to you.
No. Disagreement is normal. What matters is that both of you are willing to participate honestly and work through the decisions.
No. The mediator is neutral, doesn't decide anything, and doesn't give legal advice or prepare court documents. Each of you can have your own attorney review the written agreement if you choose.
With Flannel People Mediation, the plan is one prepared 3-hour session after the private calls and intake. Timing depends on how quickly both spouses finish the prep and on scheduling.
If you reached an agreement, you leave with the one you wrote together, in your own words. It isn't a court filing; either of you can have an attorney review it, or use it to self-file. The court handles divorce filings and final orders. In Minnesota, the Judicial Branch's divorce page explains where to file and notes that a divorce can take several months to become final.
At Flannel People Mediation, $1,695 per person, flat, covering the private calls, the intake, and the 3-hour session on Zoom. Court filing fees and any attorney you hire are separate.
Joint mediation may not be appropriate. Each spouse speaks with the mediator privately before any joint session, and either person can stop at any time. If you're in danger, call 911.
Primary sources for the court side of the process, read October 30, 2026. General information, not legal advice.
Prep tools
Digital download
$39
A fillable PDF workbook plus a companion spreadsheet for getting ready for mediation.
$39, flat fee. It does not count or credit toward the mediation session fee. General information, not legal advice.
Digital download
$19
Before-and-after message scripts for scheduling, money, and kid logistics.
$19, flat fee. It does not count or credit toward the mediation session fee. General information, not legal advice.
Digital download
$29
A spreadsheet for life in two homes, for Excel or Google Sheets.
$29, flat fee. It does not count or credit toward the mediation session fee. General information, not legal advice.
Free tool
A short free video course on how divorce mediation works, from Flannel People Mediation.
Next step
A free 15-minute call is the easiest way to find out. Rated 4.9 stars from 292 Google reviews.
What the first joint session covers.
Get the intake and the numbers ready.
Minnesota-specific notes on how it fits with the court.
Five questions to ask before you hire anyone.
Educational Disclaimer: The information provided on this website is for educational purposes only and is not intended as legal advice, therapeutic advice, or therapy. Flannel People Mediation is a mediation service provider only. We help two people who don't agree on really tricky issues come to an agreement and put that agreement in writing. We don't draft court documents, we don't file, we don't do anything with the courts, and we don't give legal advice. We do not provide therapeutic services. For legal questions, talk to your own attorney or the court's Self-Help Center.
Flannel People Mediation provides mediation services only. Ryan McLaughlin does not provide legal, insurance, valuation, tax, financial, or business advice, and mediation does not replace your own counsel or advisors.
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