Flannel People

Bonus Episode: Why I'm Doing This Podcast

Anatomy of Conflict

Bonus Episode: Why I'm Doing This Podcast

May 9, 202619:25Episode 16
0:000:00

About this episode

In this bonus mini-episode, Ryan goes off-script — who he is, why he started this show, and what drives his obsession with conflict. If you're new here, start here.Ryan started this podcast for the same reason he spent 12 hours a day writing during grad school while his wife worked a coffee shop to keep them afloat — because there's something there he has to get to the bottom of.The honest answer: he wants to get better at this. At mediation. At conflict. At being a partner and a father and a person. And there's almost no gap between what he's personally wrestling with and what he covers on this show. The money stuff with his wife. The imagery/projective/associative cards in his mediation sessions. The Gottman research. He's not presenting these as a detached expert — he has skin in the game.Flannel People Mediation: flannelpeoplemediation.comText Ryan directly: 763-316-8323

In this episode

Key ideas

  • In this bonus mini-episode, Ryan goes off-script — who he is, why he started this show, and what drives his obsession with conflict.
  • If you're new here, start here.Ryan started this podcast for the same reason he spent 12 hours a day writing during grad school while his wife worked a coffee shop to keep them afloat — because there's something there he has to get to the bottom of.The honest answer: he wants to get better at this.
  • At mediation.
  • At conflict.
  • At being a partner and a father and a person.
Listen on:

More from Anatomy of Conflict

The Psychology of Money Fights (And What's Really Underneath)

The Psychology of Money Fights (And What's Really Underneath)

May 7, 202641:11

Money is the #2 cause of divorce — behind only infidelity — but unlike infidelity, it's quiet, chronic, and invisible until the damage is done. In this episode, Ryan gets personally real about his own tightwad tendencies, his marriage, and what a decade of financial conflict has taught him about what's actually underneath money fights. Drawing on peer-reviewed research, the Harvard Negotiation Project, and the neuroscience of emotional flooding, this episode builds a framework for turning your most corrosive financial arguments into a source of genuine intimacy and connection. Because the fight was never really about the granola.In this episode:Why couples who argue about money once a week are 30% more likely to divorce — and what the frequency tells youThe tightwad/spendthrift pairing: why opposites attract and why it eventually costs youPositions vs. interests — the one distinction that unlocks every deadlocked financial argumentWhy compromise is structurally flawed (and what collaboration actually looks like)The neuroscience of emotional flooding and why you literally cannot win a money fight in the heat of the momentRyan's own money story: the $30 coat, the carrots and peanut butter, and a relationship with spending that runs him more than he runs itIf money conflict is showing up in your relationship and you're ready to have a different kind of conversation, Ryan works with couples at Flannel People Mediation — a virtual mediation practice built for exactly this. Learn more at flannelpeoplemediation.com.

Listen now
Tarot, Part 3: Claude Kills the Woo Woo and Makes the Science Case

Tarot, Part 3: Claude Kills the Woo Woo and Makes the Science Case

May 2, 202631:06

Claude is back for round three, and this time we're settling the debate. Projection cards, oracle decks, tarot — call them whatever you want, but the mechanism is pure neuroscience. In this episode, Claude breaks down the research on affect labeling, somatic priming, and nervous system regulation, and shows exactly why these tools belong in the mediation room. We also get into spousal support impasse, why fairness is a feeling not a number, and the one reframe that makes skeptical clients stop rolling their eyes. If you've been curious about these tools, but afraid of the woo woo label, this is your episode.

Listen now
Tarot, Part 2: The Professional Tool That Gets You Out of Your Head

Tarot, Part 2: The Professional Tool That Gets You Out of Your Head

April 29, 202654:27

You can't think your way to a new solution using the same thinking that got you stuck. Suzanne Grandchamp, a divorce attorney with 30 years of experience, breaks down how tarot and oracle cards create embodied space — helping professionals access intuition, name what's unacknowledged, and find the move that logic alone can't reach.

Listen now

Educational Disclaimer: The information provided on this website is for educational purposes only and is not intended as legal advice, therapeutic advice, or therapy. Flannel People Mediation is a mediation service provider only. We do not provide legal advice or therapeutic services. Please consult with a qualified attorney for legal concerns.