
Anatomy of Conflict
Bonus Episode: Why I'm Doing This Podcast
About this episode
In this bonus mini-episode, Ryan goes off-script — who he is, why he started this show, and what drives his obsession with conflict. If you're new here, start here.Ryan started this podcast for the same reason he spent 12 hours a day writing during grad school while his wife worked a coffee shop to keep them afloat — because there's something there he has to get to the bottom of.The honest answer: he wants to get better at this. At mediation. At conflict. At being a partner and a father and a person. And there's almost no gap between what he's personally wrestling with and what he covers on this show. The money stuff with his wife. The imagery/projective/associative cards in his mediation sessions. The Gottman research. He's not presenting these as a detached expert — he has skin in the game.Flannel People Mediation: flannelpeoplemediation.comText Ryan directly: 763-316-8323
In this episode
Key ideas
- In this bonus mini-episode, Ryan goes off-script — who he is, why he started this show, and what drives his obsession with conflict.
- If you're new here, start here.Ryan started this podcast for the same reason he spent 12 hours a day writing during grad school while his wife worked a coffee shop to keep them afloat — because there's something there he has to get to the bottom of.The honest answer: he wants to get better at this.
- At mediation.
- At conflict.
- At being a partner and a father and a person.
More from Anatomy of Conflict

The Psychology of Money Fights (And What's Really Underneath)
Money is the #2 cause of divorce — behind only infidelity — but unlike infidelity, it's quiet, chronic, and invisible until the damage is done. In this episode, Ryan gets personally real about his own tightwad tendencies, his marriage, and what a decade of financial conflict has taught him about what's actually underneath money fights. Drawing on peer-reviewed research, the Harvard Negotiation Project, and the neuroscience of emotional flooding, this episode builds a framework for turning your most corrosive financial arguments into a source of genuine intimacy and connection. Because the fight was never really about the granola.In this episode:Why couples who argue about money once a week are 30% more likely to divorce — and what the frequency tells youThe tightwad/spendthrift pairing: why opposites attract and why it eventually costs youPositions vs. interests — the one distinction that unlocks every deadlocked financial argumentWhy compromise is structurally flawed (and what collaboration actually looks like)The neuroscience of emotional flooding and why you literally cannot win a money fight in the heat of the momentRyan's own money story: the $30 coat, the carrots and peanut butter, and a relationship with spending that runs him more than he runs itIf money conflict is showing up in your relationship and you're ready to have a different kind of conversation, Ryan works with couples at Flannel People Mediation — a virtual mediation practice built for exactly this. Learn more at flannelpeoplemediation.com.

Tarot, Part 3: Claude Kills the Woo Woo and Makes the Science Case
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Tarot, Part 2: The Professional Tool That Gets You Out of Your Head
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